:-)

I know. Its strange to see the fact that I've put a smiley face as my title. I mean my boyfriend dumped me a week ago. I should be sad (especially considering he now officially dating the girl he left me for) but I'm not. Really not. Why?

CAITLIN BLANEY IS MY HERO!!!

I feel bad because she was put in the middle of all of this shit but she has been by my side through this whole thing.

I'm also happy because I have realized who my friends are through this and what it means to be a good friend. I also learned that there is another guy out there for me.


I know that is strange to say only a week later but I've been run through the mud so much this week that I realized that not all guys are jackasses (also realized this after I saw the way Chris treated Katie and Tom treat Katie...two different Kaites by the way). I will find the guy I'm meant to be with. It's going to be hard because I have no clue how long it will take for me to find that guy and don't know how many other guys that are not right for me I will have to go through but I will find him. I know I will. And for those hard times I have my true friends which is a lot more people that I thought. Thank you guys. I love you all.


~Get up and start another day. Another day to prove this world has something to live for

.......I don't know what to say

Aaron and I officially broke up today.

This came totally out of right field starting a week and a half ago. He found someone else. It hurts. Physically hurts. My stomach is turning and my head is pounding. I can't sleep and can't really eat. I just want to cry and cry.

I feel like my world is ending. I had a rock and a comfort for three years and now I have no one. No one to randomly text about pointless crap. No one to run to when I need to feel safe. No one that can just kiss me and make me feel better. No one that loves me. Not friendship love but actual love. It is killing me inside. I'm not even being dramatic

I now know how Katie felt when Vince dumped her out of right field and how Ross felt when Daniella dumped him.

I was happy. If you go back to my LJ account you can tell when I met Aaron. My posts became less depressing and more bitching about nothing. I was using it as an outlet for stress instead of talking about how depressed I was.

I really was happy. I don't know if I will ever be that happy again. People will try and tell me that things will get better and that everything happens for a reason. Right now, I don't give a damn. Hearing that makes me feel even worse about the situation. Please don't tell me that.

"I want to be with you. I'm sorry" from him could fix this. It would stop my pain. I just want that pain to go away.

Three years of my life. I feel like I've wasted three years of my life. I'm going to be in pain for months yet he is already to move onto someone else. How the hell is that fair? He just wants to push me out of his head. I guess I wasn't that important to him.


~You left a hole where my heart should be

A Note on Relationships

Usually I use this blog to bitch and moan about things that annoy me but due to recent activity, I think I need to make a note on relationships.

The biggest myth in relationships is "its not you its me." If you are planning on leaving someone, you use this line to make the person your leaving feel better when in fact, you are leaving them for something they did. You may say that you changed but the reason you changed is because of something the person you are leaving did. Thus, "its not you its me" is always bullshit.

When you leave someone because something they have been doing has been bothering you but you never tell them, it is beyond unfair to not give them a change to fix it. And when you do give them a chance to fix it, its not fair if you don't try as well. That just makes you an ass and a dick. You can't expect the person you are leaving to know magically what is wrong. And then you can't say "I'll give you a chance" and then ignore the trying.

Also, leaving someone you've been with for three years because of one bad week that lead you to look for someone else to show you caring, is total bullshit. It makes you a terrible person. You can't believe that you don't want to be someone after one bad week. And this bad week is just because the person you are leaving was stressed due to other things going on in their life. Yes, they didn't mention why they were stressed but I'm pretty sure that when you've been with someone for three years you can pretty much guess.

Everything can't change in 5 days.

~I put my faith in you, so much faith, and you just threw it away