Unnecessary Guilt

Guilt is something that plagues everyone at some point in their lives. What matters is how you allow it to affect you.



Growing up in a Catholic family, I was subject to guilt. You are taught to be nice to people and that you should always treat others with kindness. Good in theory but when you constantly are putting others first you start to feel guilty about things. I'm not talking feeling guilty for blowing someone off or actually being mean to someone. I'm talking about this gut crushing guilt that comes from the fact that something you do makes someone else unhappy. The thing you do doesn't have to be done on purpose. It can be as simple as not wanting to go out to the bar with your friends when they ask you last minute so you tell them "Nah, I'm just going to stay in tonight."

Nothing wrong with that. You're not blowing off anyone and in reality, you're most likely doing something that you enjoy which is supposed to be healthy. But no. You burdened with Catholic guilt or unnecessary guilt. You're friend obviously wants to spend time with you so you should because otherwise, you're not being nice to them.

It is at times like these that the guilt weighs down on your chest like a bag of rocks. It knots itself up in your stomach over and over again until it feels like you'll never be able to digest anything again. What is worse is that this type of guilt usually gives way to anxiety.

How do we get rid of this unnecessary guilt? How do we get rid of this crushing guilt that has no business being there? The guilt that exists when you have done nothing wrong?


I wish I had an easy answer. I wish I could tell you that you just had to use willpower and it would all be fixed. Sadly, it takes a complete change in thinking which, by the time you hit adulthood, is one of the hardest things to do.

The professionals say "Think about how this guilt doesn't actually serve you."

Well, the problem with that is that I'm a chronic guilt feeler so saying that this guilt won't help me actually makes me feel guilty because I know that the guilt was put there to make people feel better. If I'm feeling guilty, I'm not making people feel better so I need to change something.

Every person who suffers from guilt will tell you the same thing.

The thing is, everyone who suffers like this, has forgotten how to put themselves first so we find it very difficult to let the feeling of guilt go.

Take the bar scenario.

You want to stay in because you are just feeling like having some "me" time. Maybe it was a long day at work. Maybe you aren't feeling that well. Maybe you have gotten so angry at people that if you see one more person, you'll snap. Whatever the reason, you say no.

A normal person, may feel a little envy/guilty if they find out that their friends had a blast without them. But, they know that staying in was the right choice for their own health.

A person that suffers from chronic guilt knows that staying in is the right for their health but they go out anyway. Why? Well, because if they don't, they'll sit at home and begin to feel guilty for not making their friend happy. Who cares what they needed themselves, they were raised to make other people happy. By saying "no" they are not making the person who asked them happy.

You've done nothing wrong. You're an adult. You have the right to make your own decisions. But, you feel obligated because this person is your friend.

Remembering that you don't have to do everything to make someone happy is a very difficult thing to do. It takes time and practice. At times, you'll feel like you've lost your way. That the guilt just keeps on building up.

I'm here to tell you that although it isn't easy, it is possible to change your thought process. To remind yourself that you can make your own choices and that you should make choices to benefit yourself first. I'm still struggling but I'm getting there.

My message is this:

Don't lose hope. Keep saying to yourself "I need to be happy to make other people happy." Hearing something enough times, will change your thinking. Keep saying it. You'll start to believe it.

I have and if I have, you can too.



~Soon it will be over and buried with our past

"I'm not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance."

I found this image on Everyday Feminism's Facebook page. It is a great quote from Jon Stewart from The Daily Show and it really is a motto I want to implement into my life.

I hear so many people make arguments based upon complete ignorance. They hear one little thing and automatically think it is true.

For example, people like to talk about how Switzerland has a high percentage of gun owners and a very low crime rate.

(side note: I swear I have opinions on more than just guns. This is what has constantly been on my mind so forgive the multiple posts about it)

This is a true fact. Switzerland has almost 50% gun ownership in their country and they have such low gun related deaths per capita, the statistics barely exist.

Pro-gun people use this to prove their point that if everyone owned a gun, our country would be a safer place to live.

I would like to point out some points they tend to overlook rather by choice to make their arguments fit their case or because they are ignorant. (all facts are found here)

1. Switzerland requires every male to serve in their military. So every single man that is a Swiss gets training on how to properly use a gun. Not only how to use it but the dangers behind it and they understand that it is their military weapon.

America has no such law. Gun owners do not need to be trained at all.

2. They actually have a well regulated militia that our second amendment talks about. They do not have a standing army like we do, so their citizens actually need the military grade weapons for national defense. Also, only 2,000 members of said militia are allowed to have their military grade weapon at home. These are the people who guard the airports and the like.

America has a standing army so a civilian militia is almost pointless. And don't think for a second that you could defend yourself against the most powerful army in the world with your guns. Thinking that is complete ignorance.

3. They have background checks. They have limits on what type of guns can be purchased. They monitor how much ammunition you buy and what type. Certain ammunition is off limits to the average citizen. You need a permit to purchase guns.

America has no such laws. Seriously. The laws you hear about are state issued laws, not federal laws.

4. A gun vendor at a gun show, or a private sale, has to notify the government of the sale. There is no loop-hole. To purchase a gun at these shows, you still need a permit.

America has no such laws. Again, some states do, but the federal government does not.

5. They limit the amount of guns you can purchase at a time. You can only purchase three with one permit.

America has no such law. Actually, in Virginia, they just recently repealed the "one-hand gun a month" law because.....well, frankly I don't know why. I guess people want more than 12 hand guns a year? And we want to go back to being the state known as the "gun-running state"? Yeah, that is a title I just love having.

Yes, Switzerland has a lower gun related death rate then we do with almost as high of a percentage of gun owners as we do. But, they actually have common sense laws to help with that. We don't. That is why Switzerland has such a low rate of gun violence. Not because everyone has a freakin gun.

You want a place like Switzerland? Enact the same laws that you so hate so much because they only do a little bit to help so they are apparently "useless."

Any law that saves one life from a gun related death is a good law.

So no, I will not just be silent about these facts because it hurts your argument. Get a better argument then because I'm not going to shut up just because it breaks down your little ignorance filled world.



~You can't reverse the bullet from a gun, what's done is done.

Screw the Status Quo

We had a shooter in the building drill today at school. I was lucky in the sense that I did not have to deal with students during it because I wasn't teaching that period.

We live in a world where I, as a high school teacher, have to be worried about someone coming in and trying to kill my students and myself. I will do everything in my power to protect my students and those around me. My students are my number one priority and they will always come first. That isn't what bothers me.

What bothers me is this: That as a society, we preform these drills willingly because this is the type of world we live in, but no one seems to want to change that world. They are complacent with the possibility that someone could come in and shoot up a school.

Every time I have expressed outrage over this, the response is always the same. "Well, it is the sad reality that this is the world we live in. So we have to do it."

I don't want to live in this world.

I don't want to live in a world where I have to have the fear of getting shot. That it is even a possibility for this much violence in my school. In my student's safe haven. In the one place where no matter what is going on in their lives, they should feel safe.

When I retort with that, people will do one of three things:

1) Sigh and shake their head because apparently I am being naive

2) Say the same thing again as if to convince themselves there is nothing they can do so I should go along with the status quo

3) Say to me "I agree with you but what can you actually do to change it?"

There is plenty to do to change this atmosphere. But it has to be a society wide effort.

Make teenagers realize that violence is not the solution to problems. This is easy to say but, when every single hero they look up to uses violence to solve their problems, what do they expect?

Our super heroes used to be "let's try peace first." Now it is, "We have an aircraft carrier that can fly so we're going to blow your ass up."

In movies, talking or negotiating never works. Only when the hero tortures or shoots their enemy is there any "success."

I'm not sitting here blaming violent video games. I'm blaming society for allowing children to view these violent people as acceptable role models.

I'm blaming society for pushing the image that in order for a woman to be sexy and strong, she needs to be able to physically kick ass and shoot a gun. That in order for a man to be desired by woman, and not be the "goofy guy" he needs a gun (or needs to sleep with a lot of woman but that is a completely different story).

Besides super heroes, who don't need guns because they have different powers, I challenge you to find someone, in popular culture, that is looked up to as a role model that doesn't use guns. If it is an actor, an actor that has never needed to shoot a gun on screen.

You may say that popular culture doesn't impact society's values. But it does. Why else would this stuff be popular if not for the fact that society views it highly.

Almost every single American drama involves the military or police force. Which means that it involves guns to make the characters popular. The exceptions are the medical dramas which somehow always involve a shooter in the hospital at some point or some other massive act of violence. Without these mass violence parts, America would most likely stop watching.

Drama = guns in America

Have you watched a British drama? The top five drama's don't involve guns, in their main characters' personas, AT ALL.

Have you seen their gun related crime rate?

Very low.

Again, not blaming popular culture, I'm blaming what popular culture represents. It represents our values. Our ideals. What is important to us.

It represents the status quo.

How do you change this? Well, it takes a huge effort. The first is to make society stop being obsessed with guns. I have always been weary of guns. I will always support common sense measures like banning automatic rifles, background checks, and mandatory gun training for gun owners. Just like we make mandatory training for people who want to drive a car.

We make cigarette companies do PSA commercials on the dangers of smoking. Why can't we force gun manufacturers to do the same thing? I'm aware that it is a person using a gun to harm someone else, but, chances are, they have no idea the real harm that it can do. Hollywood doesn't do a real bullet wound justice.

Fight for those changes. Speak up. Vote on these issues. Write to your Representative expressing your feelings. Hell, run for office.

Do something. Even just speaking your mind is doing something. Don't let your voice be drowned out by the status quo. By people to afraid to make change.

Don't be afraid. Those great leaders, the ones that went down in history as great leaders, were afraid. They just overcame that fear and spoke up.

They challenged the status quo.





As George Carlton famously said, "The status quo sucks."

I couldn't agree more George.






I couldn't agree more.



~We're all in tears for a world that's broken