Unnecessary Guilt

Guilt is something that plagues everyone at some point in their lives. What matters is how you allow it to affect you.



Growing up in a Catholic family, I was subject to guilt. You are taught to be nice to people and that you should always treat others with kindness. Good in theory but when you constantly are putting others first you start to feel guilty about things. I'm not talking feeling guilty for blowing someone off or actually being mean to someone. I'm talking about this gut crushing guilt that comes from the fact that something you do makes someone else unhappy. The thing you do doesn't have to be done on purpose. It can be as simple as not wanting to go out to the bar with your friends when they ask you last minute so you tell them "Nah, I'm just going to stay in tonight."

Nothing wrong with that. You're not blowing off anyone and in reality, you're most likely doing something that you enjoy which is supposed to be healthy. But no. You burdened with Catholic guilt or unnecessary guilt. You're friend obviously wants to spend time with you so you should because otherwise, you're not being nice to them.

It is at times like these that the guilt weighs down on your chest like a bag of rocks. It knots itself up in your stomach over and over again until it feels like you'll never be able to digest anything again. What is worse is that this type of guilt usually gives way to anxiety.

How do we get rid of this unnecessary guilt? How do we get rid of this crushing guilt that has no business being there? The guilt that exists when you have done nothing wrong?


I wish I had an easy answer. I wish I could tell you that you just had to use willpower and it would all be fixed. Sadly, it takes a complete change in thinking which, by the time you hit adulthood, is one of the hardest things to do.

The professionals say "Think about how this guilt doesn't actually serve you."

Well, the problem with that is that I'm a chronic guilt feeler so saying that this guilt won't help me actually makes me feel guilty because I know that the guilt was put there to make people feel better. If I'm feeling guilty, I'm not making people feel better so I need to change something.

Every person who suffers from guilt will tell you the same thing.

The thing is, everyone who suffers like this, has forgotten how to put themselves first so we find it very difficult to let the feeling of guilt go.

Take the bar scenario.

You want to stay in because you are just feeling like having some "me" time. Maybe it was a long day at work. Maybe you aren't feeling that well. Maybe you have gotten so angry at people that if you see one more person, you'll snap. Whatever the reason, you say no.

A normal person, may feel a little envy/guilty if they find out that their friends had a blast without them. But, they know that staying in was the right choice for their own health.

A person that suffers from chronic guilt knows that staying in is the right for their health but they go out anyway. Why? Well, because if they don't, they'll sit at home and begin to feel guilty for not making their friend happy. Who cares what they needed themselves, they were raised to make other people happy. By saying "no" they are not making the person who asked them happy.

You've done nothing wrong. You're an adult. You have the right to make your own decisions. But, you feel obligated because this person is your friend.

Remembering that you don't have to do everything to make someone happy is a very difficult thing to do. It takes time and practice. At times, you'll feel like you've lost your way. That the guilt just keeps on building up.

I'm here to tell you that although it isn't easy, it is possible to change your thought process. To remind yourself that you can make your own choices and that you should make choices to benefit yourself first. I'm still struggling but I'm getting there.

My message is this:

Don't lose hope. Keep saying to yourself "I need to be happy to make other people happy." Hearing something enough times, will change your thinking. Keep saying it. You'll start to believe it.

I have and if I have, you can too.



~Soon it will be over and buried with our past