My Future

I hate packing and moving but hate the idea of being in the same place for so long. Part of me wants to just say "Screw it. I'll rebuy everything when I get to the new place." Yet I'm not made of money so this is impossible.

I'm beyond excited to teach in Korea for a year but also freaked. Yeah, I was in Ireland for three months and didn't get home sick but three really isn't that long of a time period. With Korea, I'd be gone for a whole year in a whole different culture.

I could easily say no to Korea and hope that I'd get another job somewhere in the states. But since I have zero teaching experience, due to being straight out of college, and governments are cutting funding (don't even get me started), school districts are more inclined to take the more experienced teachers that are being layedoff due to the said budget cuts. The only place that is really hiring teachers is the places around home. I've lived in the same area for 22, nearly 23, years. I need excitement and experiences that involve more then navigating the new road patterns on the beltway (which is both exciting and a new experience every time I'm on it. If you don't believe me, go drive it).

I need to step out of my comfort zone. I'm just going to be nervous every step of the way.


~The sun rises slowly as you walk away from all the fears and all the faults you've left behind

“Can we still be friends?”

No!

            How could we?!

You left me for someone else!

                        You cheated on me!

                   Our relationship was disregarded,

like an old piece of cheese.

                                                            And you have the balls

            to ask to stay my friend.

                                                                                                            I should yell!

                                                                                                                                 I should scream!

                                    I should slap you.

Yet I look at you

                                                                                    I think against

                        all odds that

                                                            we

                                                may still have a chance.

So I lie and say

                        …

                                                            …

“Yes.”

"When I Grow Up"

I want to be a doctor;
Save people's lives.

No! I want to be a vet;
Save all the puppies!

Wait! What about a firefighter;
I could be a hero!

Even better! A police officer;
Put all the bad guys in jail!

No, no wait! An astronaut;
Explore the stars!

Hold on! What about a teacher;
Help kids find their true potential!

Stop! I could be a rock star;
Be really cool and share my music with everyone!

I know! I'll be a

Docvetfightercopastroteachstar!

Chickens Eat Farmer

Will you believe me if I tell you? Most people don't. Most think I"m crazy or on drugs but its true; chickens really did attack and kill my husband.

We lived on a quiet farm out in the middle of nowhere. On our farm we had chickens, cows, pigs,and sheep, all of which we took of with all of our heart. However, for some strange reason, the chickens were always picky about what food they wanted to eat. My husband tried everything. One day, as he was trying to cut open a bag with a knife, he cut himself thus getting blood on the feed. Well, I guess one of the chickens got a taste of the blood-covered feed, gobbled it all up and somehow informed the other chickens because the next day was when it happened.

I was in the kitchen making breakfast, as I always am when my husband feeds the chickens, when all of the sudden I heard this blood curtly scream. I ran outside in a panic looking for where it was coming from. To my horror, I saw my husband's head and he appeared to have grown a body of chickens. As he feel onto the ground, he screamed at me that the chickens were eating him and to call 911. I was in total shock to process what I was seeing. Chickens eating a man? I couldn't rap my head around it. I finally snapped back, ran inside, and called 911. I told them my husband was in grave pain (I couldn't even bring myself to say he was being eaten by chickens) and that they should hurry. I then hung up and ran outside to try and help.

When I got out there, I no longer heard the loud painful screams my husband had been releasing earlier. Now all I heard was a muffled sound coming from underneath a pile of chickens. Then, as if someone flicked a switch, the muffled sound stopped. I realized what this meant and started to scream. The blood thirsty chickens had eaten my husband! I was so freaked out that all I could do was stand there and scream as the chickens finished off my husband, leaving only a pile of bloody bones.

The police found me like that; paralyzed and screaming at the chickens. When they asked me what had happened I told them everything. I begged them to believe me but I knew they wouldn't. They tell me that I found out he was going to leave me so I attacked him and then fed him to the hungry chickens but I know I wouldn't do that. I loved my husband! I saw it with my own two eyes! The chickens ate him! You believe me. Right?

It

She stared into the darkness. Her mind was going in a million different directions at a million miles an hour. Everything was happening so fast. She didn’t want to make this decision. Not now, not ever. But she had too.

She closed her eyes but no sleep came. Even the comfort of her foam pillow couldn’t calm her mind. She had to make up her mind before morning because otherwise she would allow it to go on for too long.

A vibration carried through her mattress and hit her right arm. She picked up her BlackBerry hoping to see a message from him but sighed when she realized that the vibration was just an email. “Save 50% on all Spring Fashion before Spring Hits!” the message said. Nausea rose in her. She closed her eyes and reminded herself that she wouldn’t allow it to go that far.

A sigh escaped her lips and she threw herself out of bed. Sleep obviously wasn’t coming unassisted. Her bare feet paddled to the kitchen and stood on their toes as she reached above her fridge. The whiskey felt heavy in her hand as she went to the cupboard for a glass. She poured herself a full glass, enough to make her sleepy. Right as she brought the glass to her lips she stopped. He would be mad. But he hasn’t seemed to care. It would end up ruined. But what if it doesn’t matter? It does matter.

Frustration rose inside of her. He hasn’t called in three days and knew he had to if he wanted it to happen. She could easily make the decision alone but he is part of it. She had to let him have his part in it if he wanted. She just hoped that he felt the same way as she did; that would make it easy to deal with.

The Catholic guilt that had been bubbling at the surface burst through at the thought and she let out a snuffed cry. How could she even be considering this? More importantly, how did she let things get this far? She was always so careful but something went wrong. She had been stupid. So stupid.

The guilt was replaced by anger as she threw the glass of whiskey into the sink. The glass shattered into a million pieces. Some had flown up and scratched her skin but she had become too numb with anger to have felt the pain.

She looked at the blood that ran down her arm from one of the cuts. She watched as the droplet slowly descended down her arm and plopped onto the white title. After the first, the droplets began to drip at a steady pace making the small puddle grow. She stared at the puddle and pictured it doing the same thing. She needed him to call.

Pain finally set in and she let a single tear escape her cheek. Before the tear even had a chance to have reached the end of her face and join the puddle of blood, she wiped her hand across her face. She realized that she had to get her act together. She threw her shoulders back and paddled into the bathroom. Once there, she opened her medicine cabinet and took out some nighttime cold medicine. Anything to get some shut eye.

The mirror shut and wobbled. She stared at her wobbling reflection and almost let out another cry. The frustration, anger, confusion, and panic were written across her face. Any person could see that she was drowning but no one, not even him, reached out to save her.

She slapped her reflection. It wobbled. She almost puked. She closed her eyes to steady herself. Deep breaths escaped her lips as though they would fix all of her problems. When she opened her eyes, her reflection was still staring at her. This time, her reflection was steady.

Laughter erupted and echoed in her tiny bathroom. The irony of her steady reflection was not lost on her sleep deprived brain. How could she ever be steady now or at any point in the future? Tomorrow everything was going to change. It was going to happen or it wasn’t and all she needed for that decision was a phone call. One simple, lousy, phone call.

Once the laughter subsided, her feet paddled back to her bed and her foam pillow. She threw herself face down on the mattress and the tears that she had held back for so long flowed out of her. Tomorrow her life would be forever changed. Tomorrow it would come to a crossroad and she would have to choose which way it went. Unless he called. Then she wouldn’t be alone in deciding what to do with it. He would help. But she had to decide 8am. But he would call, he always had called. She had to be prepared to choose herself. Unless he called.

The two sides of her mind and the nighttime cold medicine carried her into a deep sleep. She woke up the next morning with no messages from him. As 8am approached, she stared at her phone hoping she didn’t have to make the decision to end it alone.

He never called.

Bang

BANG

BANG

BANG

Each tap of the pencil against the desk rang like Notre Dame in her head. It was Carol Tubermen’s third class of the day yet her hangover was still ever present.

“Kevin.” A boy of about 14 looks up from his test at his history teacher. “Stop tapping the pencil. You’re distracting other students.”

“Sorry,” Kevin mumbles as he goes back to his test.

It was no mistake that all six of Carol’s classes had period long tests today. Last night had been her best friend Kelly’s 26^th birthday. Carol knew she would have been drinking heavily and woken up in a stranger’s bed or with a stranger in her bed.

She did wake up in her own bed after drinking heavily but there had only been herself in bed. Yet she had an inkling feeling that she had left the bar with someone.

RING

The bell blasts from out of nowhere nearly rattling her brain out of her skull. The students place their tests on Carol’s desk and flee the room. Carol struggles to get up from her desk, shuts the door, and turns off the lights. The muffled sounds from the hallway haunt as she moves back to her desk.

Carol props her head up with her hands as she balances on her elbows. Her intention is to sleep for the next 45 minutes instead of grading papers. The plan is spoiled moments after she closes her eyes.

BING

The sound of her Blackberry makes Carol jump a mile out of her seat. “Shit,” she mutters to herself as she searches her purse for the phone. She opens the text message and sees it is from Kelly.

thanks sooooo much for coming last night :-) one question. who was that guy you left with? you must tell me about it later ;-) xoxo

Carol stares at the text message. “Damnit!” she says as she drops her phone onto her desk. She places her head back into her hands and struggles to remember.

“Okay,” she thinks to herself. “The last thing I remember clearly is leaving the bathroom with Kelly. We had gone in there to escape the creeper. Next thing I remember is my alarm blaring at 5:30 this morning.”

Carol lets out a sigh. “Shit Carol! Think!” she says out loud to herself.

BING

Her Blackberry goes off yet again. Carol grabs it and debates throwing it at the wall. This time, the text is from a number she doesn’t recognize. “Great,” she mutters. “This is beginning to feel like The Hangover.” She braces herself as she opens the message.

yo. i found your number in my roommates jacket. have you seen him?

Curiosity overcomes Carol and she decides to answer it.

Hi. Who is your roommate?

The two minutes it takes for the mystery guy to answer seems to last eons. Carol fidgets in her chair but stops because the noise of the chair squeaking is too much to bare.

BING

She couldn’t grab her phone fast enough.

William. you guys stopped by here last night to grab some

stuff before you went back to your place.

All of the sudden, the evil little bitch that resides inside of every female begins to laugh in Carol’s head.

“William. William.” She repeats the name out loud to try and figure out why her inner bitch, who rarely surfaces, knows the name. Unexpectedly, an image surfaces in her mind.

Carol is standing outside an apartment building on J Street. There is a man standing in front of her yet instead of his face, there are waves crashing into the shore.

“So, you, ah, want to come upstairs?” the man asks as he pulls her close to him via her waist.

Carol, or better, Carol’s inner bitch traces her finger down his chest. “Well William,” she says in her most sexy voice. “I don’t have a roommate. We would have privacy at my place.” She rises on her toes as she whispers in his ear. “But we should grab some supplies if you got them here.” She feels his excitement as he opens the door and leads her in.

Then, a flash of Carol’s inner bitch laughing as she opens the door to her own place.

“What the hell?” Carol exclaims as she grips the edge of her desk.

BING

She looks again at her phone. William’s roommate had texted her again.

hello? so did he leave your place yet?

The pounding in her head hammers more as her breath quickens. Carol quickly responds.

Im not sure. Do you know how long we were at your place My details are kindda hazy.

Carol closes her eyes as she waits for a response. “Okay. Lets walk through this.” She presses her palms of her hands to her eyes so she is seeing sports. “After I left the bathroom, I met this guy William. We left the bar together, went to his place together, left his place together, and then I ended up at my place alone.
“So where the hell did he go? Or did I walk him out? But then why would I have been fully dressed as I walked back into the door?”
BING
The self questioning is interrupted by her Blackberry.

yeah. haha. you guys stayed for about 10 min. you were giggling and he was
frantically searching the place. you guys left all over each other.

“Great. I was giggling.” Carol rolls her eyes at herself.
BING
wait. how come you dont know if he left or not? i thought you worked nights?

“Work nights?” Carol asks herself as another flash hits her.
Carol is sitting on a couch, giggling. A man, a different one, is standing on the other side of the room. Instead of a face, there is a cute puppy.
“So, uh, what do you do?”
Carol’s inner bitch giggles. “I work nights at the bar on K Street but tonight I was just there for fun.” She lets out another giggle as a man busts out of one of the doors across the room.
Flash and Carol is skipping down Constitution Ave laughing. Then the image disappears as quickly as it came.
“What the hell is going on?!” Carol exclaims to her Blackberry. “Why was I on Constitution? That is nowhere near my place! Shit! What the hell happened last night?!” No longer being able to sit still, Carol stands up and begins to pace.
CLICK
CLICK
CLICK
The leather four inch heels ring in her brain but Carol doesn't have time to notice. She has to put the pieces together.
BING
The red notification light lights up Carol’s dark desk. It freezes her mid pace.
“Maybe it is William or better yet, Kelly, explaining what happened last night. Yeah that’s it.” Despite trying to convince herself, Carol stayed rooted to the same spot to the floor. “Why am I freaking out about this? I know I just ditched him but why?”
She shakes her head and reaches for her phone. It is William’s roommate making sure she got the message. Carol knows she has to answer him but can’t decide if she should lie or tell the truth. After a game of enie-meny-miny-mo, Carol decides to stick with the lie.

Ha ha yeah. I do work nights but I had an appointment this morning. I havent been back
home yet because well you know doctor waiting rooms.

After shaking while texting, Carol drops the phone back onto her desk like it is poison. Another image has flashed into her head again but it is just a flash of red and the evil inner bitch laughing.
BING
This time Carol actually lets out a scream. She lunges to her phone and breathes a little easier when she sees it is Kelly.

OMG!!!!! Carol!!!! i know your teaching but you need to log
onto the posts website like NOW!!!!!

Confused, Carol sits back down at her desk and logs onto the newspaper’s website. Once there, Carol stares blankly at the screen. “What the hell does sh-“
Then Carol sees it.
Under the headlines about traffic being worse than usual due to the Beltway construction, there is one that stands out.
24 Year Old Male’s Body Found Floating In Potomac: Third One This Month.
Below the headline is a sketch of the man. Carol’s brain is flooded with images and the puzzle pieces begin to fit together.
“Thanks for saving me Kelly. He was such a creeper,” Carol slurs to Kelly in the bathroom. “I wish men would stop acting like useless dogs foaming at the mouth.”
Kelly lets out a laugh. “Yeah, we should treat them like they have rabies!” The girls link arms and walk out to the noisy bar. They make their way to the bar and instantly, each girl has a guy asking to guy them a drink.
The man leaning in towards Carol has sandy hair and sea eyes. He is giving her a boyish grin as he grabs her ass. Right away, drunken Carol disappears and inner bitch Carol emerges.
She smiles back as she thinks to herself, “You think you’re so sly, you rabid dog.” Carol flirts with the ocean face man whose name is William.
After a few more drinks and the pointless small talk that is used so you know a little about the person that ends up in your bed, William leads Carol out the door. They stumble towards J Street from the K Street bar and end up at the door to an old, Roman column inspired apartment building. William is bitching about how his roommate never leaves when he grabs Carol by her waist and pulls her close.
“So, you, ah, want to come upstairs?”
Carol’s inner bitch studies the ocean face man. She laughs in her head at the rabid dog before her. “Well William,” she says as she slides her finger down his chest. “I don’t have a roommate. We would have privacy at my place. But we should get some supplies if you got them here.” Carol whispers this last bit into William’s ear as she feels his excitement against her hip. William gives a little laugh as he crazily inserts the key into the hole.
The overly excited rabid dog and the inner bitch climb the three flights of stairs, stopping every few steps to remind each other why they need to stop at his apartment before going to the inner bitch’s bed.
They enter the apartment and William tells Carol to wait in the living room. As she is sitting on the mismatched college style couch, William’s antisocial roommate makes an appearance. Although not good at small talk, William’s roommate attempts a conversation.
“So, uh, what do you do?” The roommate asks shuffling from foot to foot on the other side of the room.
“Awe!” the inner bitch thinks. “Now this is a cute puppy! Too bad the rabid ones shadow and ruin these ones.” She lets a giggle slip as she decides to lie to this poor little pup.
“I work nights at the bar on K Street,” Carol says as she lets another giggle slip out. “But tonight I was just there for fun.” The pup smiles nervously as the rabid dog comes stumbling out of a room with a triumph grin on his face.
He yet again grabs Carol’s hand and drags her out the door. Once they reach the street, William looks at Carol waiting for direction. The inner bitch leans in as close to the rabid dog as people with clothes on can. She yet again stands on her toes to whisper in his ear again.
“Have you ever done it at the monuments?”
William’s excitement falters a little bit. “Isn’t it, ah, a little cold?”
Carol looks at his restless ocean face. “I can keep you warm,” she whispers as she tries to warm up his excitement.
Success.
They make their way to Constitution Ave and across to the Jefferson Memorial. As they pass it, they walk behind a bush. The whole time they have been walking, Carol has been sharing pointless facts and decides to start talking about dogs.
“So William. Do you know what they do to rabid dogs?” She asks as they reach the desired bush.
“Yeah, they shoot them or something,” William answers in-between kissing various body parts of the inner bitch.
“Ha ha. Good boy,” the inner bitch says as she pushes the rabid dog to the ground so he is lying face up.
The rabid dog laughs. “Rough and dirty huh?” He flashes the boyish grin again on his ocean face.
The inner bitch leans over and grabs something out of the bush.
“Of course you rabid dog.”
BANG
BANG
BANG
The sound of the bat meeting skull is so sudden that the rabid dog doesn't even have time to scream
BANG
BANG 
BANG
Blood flies up onto the inner bitch as she begins to crackle with laughter.
BANG
BANG
BANG
She lets her arms fall to her side as she smiles at herself. The body is no longer identifiable but she decides to leave his wallet intact. “The world needs to know that another rabid dog is no longer endangering the female population” she says to the mangled mess of a man.
The inner bitch grabs the discarded coat that belonged to the rabid dog to cover her blood soaked clothes. She skips down Constitution and then up 7^th Ave until she reached her brownstone. She laughs to herself as she opens the door. Still a little cold, she starts a fire to warm up. Laughing, she strips off all of her clothes, throws them into the fire, and looks at herself in the full length mirror across from the fire place. As she studies her naked body, she lets out an evil laugh.
“Three for three”
BEEP
BEEP
BEEP
Carol stares at her Blackberry on her desk too shocked to move.
BEEP
BEEP
BEEP
“Oh my god,” Carol says as she begins to cry.
BEEP
BEEP
BE -
The call goes to voicemail. Violently shaking, she grabs her phone, dials one, and puts in her pass code.
“Hello. Ms. Tubermen. This is DC Metro Police. If you could give us a call back at your earliest convenience that would be great. Otherwise, we’ll be waiting for you at your car outside your workplace. Have a nice day.”
RING
So much for a 45 minute nap.

Creative Writing Challenge

So I decided that if I want to become a better writer, I need to write more often. Thus the challenged. I'm going to challenge myself to write a scene (between 3 and 5 pages) five times a week, at least one short story (over 7 pages) a week, and at least two poems a week. I'm aware that if you break this into days it is 8 but I'm going to combine the poems together thus making it 7 days a week.
Yes, it is my goal, for the next 365 days to write a creative piece. Who knows, I may actually get good at it.
Sadly, due to my limited access to internet via a computer, I may not be able to post every day. However, there will be the correct number of creative pieces by the end of it.

I hope I can do this. We will see how it goes.

Writing tends to make me feel better. I don't care if I suck at it. It makes me feel better which is why I do it. I just figured I would share it with people regardless of what they think.

Here's to hoping that I don't completely suck.

~If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything